the survivor, the dreamer and me

2011-08-22T03:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.neobux.com/?rh=6D68656773

..when will this stop...

2011-01-14T20:28:00.000-08:00

hi...

I'm MELODY M. REYES hoping for a big change. A person with a big heart, big smile and big dream.
But things change, I'm now a person with a big broken heart, big sad face and big failure in life. I want to start all over again. I want to be rebirth, but how if I couldn't left the past. Even i have those changes I still hold on the past. I couldn't start my life because of him. I've been hurt countless time. I already forgive, forgiving and will be forgiving a person. I always asked what is /are the matter/s with me, I've been loyal, I've been loving him for so long, I've been doing things that i know will makes him happy. But all of those things seem to be worthless.
What else should I do to bring him back, to bring what we both have before. For so long I'm hoping for a change, but also for so long I've been hurt.
I already losing that hope, but I wont stop 'till I found the final answer for a BIG QUESTION which is "WHY".

...surrender..

2010-10-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

....u've been cheating on me for so long....

...at first i refused to accept it...i told my self.."No, he can't do it on me"...

...but now...even its hard to accept but its real...

... i need to make a step that will help me to stand again...and be with my real happiness...

...and for sure..it is not by your said...

...'coz for almost 2 years..i never been happy in real...

...every time i went to my room and seems everything was so quite I can't stop reminisce those times that i was so in love and happy being with you..

...and after that very moment...i would remember how stupid i' m that in-spite of everything you've been doing upon me right now...i' m still so in-love...even that loving you is in exchange of crying..

...i think tears fell was enough for me...NOW I SHOULD FIND MY REAL HAPPINESS...

...I SHOULD AND I MUST..

...A lost LOVE...

2010-09-13T00:45:00.000-07:00

...Last September 5, a part of me was gone. My AMA (LOLO) died at that date. A part of me said that's ok, coz for always years of suffering he was ready to go back to where he really belong.

....September 12, 2010. morning of the said date was a seems to be a family pictorial but what hurts about it is that, yes, we were together with my grandfather, and the sad part o it is that he lies on the coffin.

...At exactly 1:30pm, we start walking towards the end of being with him. I tried to hide the feeling of being left alone. I love my ama so much. I will surely miss everything about him"

He's being malukit...for many things.
He's being suplado at times
He's being seloso for his last few days
He's being palabiro...
He's laughter and a loud voice when he calls my ina
He's story telling about the life of my father..

I miss everything about him..

I know that where ever he is...much laughter will be seen on him..much life will be on him...

..WITH THAT...AMA I, TOGETHER WITH THE REST OF LAHING KALABAW WILL FOREVER MISS YOU...HOPE YOUR STILL WATCHING OVER US...

Going Back To School

2009-09-12T16:21:00.000-07:00

I dont know if it will be good. But I'm eager to go back to school and expend almost 4 years again to study. This coming school year I chose to study again in college with the ideal course for me (I think).

I'm a graduate of Education, just this year (2009) but it seems I'm not that happy for the course, I even working not as a teacher but as a BPA stands for Business Process Associate and I don't want to be in this job for my whole life just because I couldn't apply for more higher job other than this. For me to be able to get a more sophisticated job, I chose to go back to school again to study.

I wish after this I could find a more stable and good job.
Thanks God I have the family who supported me with my plan and not making feel such a black sheep in the family.

I love them....

....jUsT mE...

2009-07-04T06:15:00.000-07:00

...It's been a long day since the last time, but anyway.
From the day I step up of stage to get my diploma, what makes me think is where and what job should I apply for. Yes of course, many said I should apply for the course I finished, but I'm not 100% sure if I gonna be in love with this job. I believe that if I do not love the job I have, customers will suffer, in case of being a teacher, students will suffer.

That's why I decided to apply for a job which I think will best suit my interest. I applied for the BPA (business processing associate), which in short data encoder. At first I love the job, being in front of the computer and typing and validating some information from the clients. But as soon as I familiarized myself about the project, it seems boring that for almost 8hrs, I' m just in front of the computer and doing almost the same thing.

To be not in negative aspect of the job, I told myself that this is just then the start and many other things will come my way and I will find the right job that will give me what I want.

Like what AMDATEX told us, DREAM BIG STARTS SMALL...

ouch naman!!!

2009-03-23T06:57:00.000-07:00

hi long time no blog ah..

i just want to shout what i feel now. I can't tell it to my close friend since she has lots of thing to consider.

You know what, sometime I wish I just be one of his close friend so that he will also treat me like how he treats his friends. But of course, I asked more than that, and I already have it. But for almost 3 years, little by little things changed. And I wish, things come back just like what we are before.
Many times I was asking myself why did God let me be in this position. To become strong?, to have lots of experience?, to have lots of lesson?, a big WHY?.......
Before, we do not have any secrets, we let each other be part of our life, we let each other knows what are the things we experienced or things happened. But now, it seems he let a huge wall be in the middle. There was a feeling in me that, he is doing something that he don't want me to know, even asking for his cell, he will never allow me to have it.

NAGSASAWA NA BA?...just tell me, i don't want this things to continue just because of the pressures around, I want this to continue because you and I want it.

Be honest, you always asking for a TRUST, how could i let you have it, if you are showing things that will have a doubt on me.

I JUST WANT THE SAME PERSON I KNOW BEFORE, AND THE SAME PERSON WHO I GO ALONG WITH BEFORE...

i hate her so much

2008-12-22T17:57:00.000-08:00

I hate her, I don't have any action made, for her to do things that might hurt me or even my barkada. She is a kind of girl, who don't want a peaceful memories, she likes to see relationship starts to decline and eventually broken up.

I really mean it, i don't like her, i don't want to see her (obviously d pwede), i want her out of my life.

I was not like this before, I don't experience the feeling of a total mad at any person. From my high school days up to my few years as a college student, I don't even think evil action for a person. But since she show the real her I started to become evil, to become a bad person, that's the way she change individuals.

She don't even think if she gonna hurt her friends or even her block mates. I' am clueless on where in the world she got her courage to do bad things to other to destroy good relationship. If my partner don't know this girl we might been one of her victims. Why? because she already made an action to start destroying us (buti na lang kilala na nmin xa).

We become witnesses of her evil against relationship of other. And if we did not become careful my partner and I might become one of her collections.

Her action against us (me and my partner):

(my bf, she, and other old friend talking)
she: ewan ko nga ba sau (bf), bakit ba d kna nagagalit eh hanggang ngayon close parin sila (me and other friend)
old friend: parang gusto mo pang mag-away ung dalawa

my bf just stayed quite about it.

She was thinking that she still have the trust of her friend

This is what she want to happen on us, but...........

I'm sorry we already know you, we will not allow a kind of girl like you to part us away....

wala tlgang pinipiling sisirain pati kaibigan..GRABE KA TLAGA..

FRIENDS at baguio city

2008-12-13T05:17:00.000-08:00

It was a great experience happened at Baguio City.

It was last December 12, 2008, when something happened with my barkada. We are at the strawberry farm, I decided not to bring my bag, i asked my bf to handle my wallet, and asked my friend to keep my digicam at her bag. Then we are so happy looking at the strawberry planted and we took some pictures. But I don't have mine, so I looked for my friend so get my cam. After a while my friends told me that the cam was lost, thanks to some vendors there, they saw a man who got close to my friend when she was buying some pasalubong to her family.
We look for the familiar man's face, but as those men saw that we are getting close to them they run so fast, and we too run. That time i was not after the cam, but I'm after with my bf. He run to catch those bad persons, but i was thinking what if those persons have deadly weapons he might got hurt. But after i saw them, my bf, the vendors and some police and security guard, they catch one of the bad person. But the cam is not with him, it was with the other man. We went to the police station and then to the municipal hall to report this thing. After a while my other friend texted us that they already have the cam and they also found the other man. Thanks God, the memories in the cam do not lost. Everything go fine and we recovered the lost item.

I dont know how to thank those vendors for helping us to recover my cam, they are one of persons whom i will never forget, not just because i have now my cam but they are really good friends. They don't think that they could got hurt by helping us. They are really great person, I love them so much.

But, inspite of what happened, I really really got mad with some of my classmates who I treated as my good friend. The call time for us to go is around 10:30, but all of my busmate is already there, they are just waiting for us. One of my classmate ask the group, "HIHINTAYIN PA BA NATIN SILA". what a question right?, my frind answered it, "SIYEMPRE NAMAN". I cann't think of a reason for not waiting for us, and thinking that we are not late we arrive before 10:30, we already got with this trouble while they are so happy taking pictures. And they don't even think of how are we, If we are alright, If some of us got hurt. They don't even asked for it, the first thing they asked to my friends is "NAKABILI KAYO NG STRAWBERRY". Hoaaaa....They are such a waste in my eyes. They don't even show some concern, they are all nothing.

long days of no personal talk

2008-11-14T05:23:00.000-08:00

Its been a long time since my last post, it just become a busy days that past. But now I'm again ready to say something about my, of course, feelings.

I'm now a graduating college student, its a requirement for us to have the six unit subject which is the practice teaching, but then still we have other three subject to accomplish so that we could march on the graduation day. From Monday to Thursday, we would be in our respected cooperating school, then Friday go to campus for the other three subject.

We've started the session this day, we already met the three professor for the three subject, and the school were we are assigned.

For our Taxation subject we have Mam Thrina, she is cool, she have a sharp mind, he already memorized all our names (23 students) in just a couple of minutes. She also knows when to say joke (not green jokes), she is someone i think will give lots of knowledge. And for our first assignment we need to study all about economics.

Then the next professor is, Is he Mr. Daniel Ortega?. the answer is Yes, at first he asked us who is the professor listed in our registration form, we say Daniel Ortega, He said Ah so its not me. Having that word, we all thought that the professor in front is not Mr. Daniel Ortega, after finishing the three hours session, he decided to sign our COR, and because the name printed was Daniel Ortega, ate Ronna asked him if he is Mr. Ortega because he was signing on that name. the professor replied, Yes I'm Mr. Ortega, I would not sign this if its not my name. Ok, its really him. He is a Pastor of Methodist religion. And he already discuss something about Dr. Jose Rizal, we already have our first recitation answering the question "who is Dr. Jose Rizal for us". And our first assignment from him is all about RIZAL LAWS.

And the last is, no other than Mam Mangaran, we already made our grouping for the action research that we will be doing for the whole semester, the schedule for some presentations, and Oh my God, we will be defending the research in front of our Dean, Professor and other Math faculty. Also, we already have our first assignment on her, for our group reasons we do some action research. and the titles for oue thesis.

WOW..for just one day, it left and almost a year works to do..Magstop na ko....(corny)

the crime

2008-09-13T02:41:00.000-07:00

Looking around the house is what I'm doing when I'm alone inside it, Feeling there's always someone who was looking at me.

This happened because of what had happened in my family, in our house..

THE STORY:...(September 11, 2008)

I went home with my brother when it is already ASERO., then I cooked food. After that, i told my brother that the food is ready, and i ate mine at the sala watching DYESEBEL.
I was thinking if I will go to the shop (computer shop) and make my project (power point) or i will make it tomorrow morning. Okei I decided to make my test items na lang, I went at the shop after DYESEBEl around 10:00pm. Busy typing my test, not knowing that there was already a crime happening at our own house. 11:00pm, I went home again, going straight at my room, 11:15 my mom went home, she did not go at her room yet, she watched t.v. then took a bath. At exactly 1:00am she went upstairs at her room.

mom (Knocking at my room): melody!...melody!..
me (melody): bakit po?!
mom (crying): wala na...wala na yung pera natin..ung kahon ko wala na..
me: po?..pano..anong nangyari..bakit nawala?
my 2 brother(woke up): bakit?..
me: nawla daw ung pera ni nanay.
we went at my parent's room
me: wala na nga..cno kumuha..kelan nawala?..
while searching inside the room my mom cried load (as in anglakas)
mom: pano na tayo ngaun melody...pano na tayo ngaun..ano gagawin natin melody
i was then crying seeing my mom face.
brothers: nay..tama na po..nay!...
I went down..hoping there will be a hint what really happened. then some of our neighbor woke up..they went inside our house. my cousin asked me what happened i Told her about the lost money box.
mom: pano na tayo nagun melody., nandun lahat ng pera natin, ung mga titulo ung bankbook. lahat ng mahahalagang papel natin nandun.
cousin: punta na tayo municipyo..ireport nyo na yan.
Then we went to the police station. Reporting what happened. Three police man went in our house looking for some evidence that can be use for solving the crime..Nothing happened. They just asked us what we did that day.

at around 4:00pm all the police man went out and i got asleep. at 6:30, i woke up because of my mom voice and my lola's voice. My mom still crying she didnot took even a second sleep.

lola: ano bang nangyari kay Julie't basa ang ang short.
neighbor: eh lumusong sa tubig sa bukid, naghahanap ng mga titulo baka daw tinapon dun.
me(wants to cry)
tita: punta na kayo sa municipyo asikasuhin nyo ung mga titulo. tapos tawag nyo nasa NBI.

at around 10:00am. NBI's when at our house doing some investigation
around 7:00pm., some police man went again to our house to sketch the person that some of my neighbors saw that night. (2 men wearing all black)

then September 13, 2008. 3:00pm S.O.C.O. team also did some investigation.

Looking at my mom,. seeing her face. parang wala ng pag-asa., that what you will see at her eyes. I'm very sorry for her.

TO THE PERSON WHO DID THE CRIME. I WISH WITH ALL MY FAITH YOU WILL SUFFER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LILFE AND DIE (ung unti unti) AND WENT TO HELL WITH SATAN (with your master).

influenzer

2008-08-15T05:11:00.000-07:00

Creating my own word for her..

The whole class of BSED 4C Math, was again tested in terms of friendship and as a one class.

The class was assigned to decorate two rooms. We started to decorate the accreditation room, smaller than the other room which is the research and extension room. To finish the task given, we decided to divide the group into two, the first one lead by J* they decorated the accreditation room and the other decorated the research room.

But again, because of some words, there become a gap between the group in accreditation room and in research room. J* which is part of our barkada was hurt according to his own view, but we the rest of the group also hurt by the words of J*, not knowing that for him it is just a joke, but as we look it, it is something that not good, and we cannot call it as simply a joke.

The members of our barkada was not totally hurt, especially R*, but by the things she did R* totally got mad of her. Yesterday, the barkada talked so that we can settle all the things up. Then of course we also talked about her, we decided that if there will be a problem in the group we will not allow everybody to decide what to do about it, and never allow anyone especially her to influence us.

The member of the barkada will be the one to fix things if ever there will be a problem in the group.

M* and M* was surprise when some of the member of the group think what M* and M* think about her. So for us, we should be careful about her. GO BIG SHOW..

the ultimate seminar

2008-08-02T23:03:00.000-07:00

Last Monday (July 28, 2008), the big show group shows their talents and skills (if we have..hehehe) to the class of Mr. Iral for the subject Special Topics. I' ll give you how the program flows...

PART I
I. Doxology - the whole BS group sang "The Prayer" with the participation of Shiena Sionson, one of our sexiest classmate. I know that you are familiar with the song, and maybe you think if we hit the high notes, yes of course SHE did..hehehe..Mia was the one who sang all the high notes.

II. Love of the Country - the usual thing the BS group sang the "Lupang Hinirang", unexpected to sang it without the music, because some technical error happened. But we perform it nice.

III. Message Remarks - the message was delivered by our own kikay friend Ms. Ma-Anne, who act as our Dean.

IV. Intermission number - Ehem..not me..hehehe..it was performed by my beloved friends the twins (Mia and Ronna) they are the backup singer and dancer.. and the real spot light is for Nataniel (guitarist) and Sylvia Kristel (singer). They sang the "Way back into love" by hugh grant..

V. Introduction of the Speaker - Introduced by the acting Assoc Dean of the group Vernaliza..

VI. Message of the Speaker - The speaker itself is no other than Ms. Mia E. Enriquez.. We dont have any idea what Mia will tell about the theme of the seminar.. And as she delivered the message we saw here carrying. Mia is the best i ever known..hehehe..love you girl..

VII. Intermission Number - Whooooaaaaa...this is it..3 boys and 3 girls of the group danced swing..And i' m one of them..hehehe..we performed it well..And take note our professor, asked us to performed on October, i don't know what was the occasion.

VIII. Open Forum - it was mediated by Verna and me..And of course we already prepared questions..

IX. Giving of Certificate to the Speaker - Verna gave the fake certificate to our carrying speaker Mia.

That is the part one of our seminar...let's go to the part two..

PART 2

I. Special Number - the whole whole group sang the PARAISO song by Smokey mountain..

II. Introduction of the Coordinator - Cecile was the one who performed the part..she gave some in sights about the theme and introduced the demonstrator.

III. Surprise Intermission number - Mia saw that it was her name printed on that part..And Because she is talented, she performed by playing piano...

IV. Demonstrator - teaching was delivered by our Leader Mhigz.. he make the best for it..because he said it was for the group not only for him..

V. Application - it was Nataniel who gave the application..just simply a quiz to be performed..

VI. Audience Participation - it was mediated by Sylvia, Cecile and Ranwell..

Thats how the program flows..................after that Picture Taking..

strange....r.....

2008-08-02T22:50:00.000-07:00

Strange or stranger..i don't know what to say.. life is not that always perfect.. should i say..life is not totally perfect..

I mean, each of us, could not always feel the happiness in life..there will be times that we could feel the pain..we could be hurt by the person we love..and we cannot complain about it, but we can overcome it.

I just see my self very happy when I' m with somebody else..and so lonely when I' m alone..i don't know how to be happy when im all alone in my room doing what ever i want to do..just being me is difficult..

pangeeeeeeeeeeeeet...

2008-07-02T06:33:00.000-07:00

hay...long way to wait..
i almost have the beautiful life..which i thought i have.

Why i said so?. Here, i will share you. I have my home of course with my family. I have my parents, they are not separated. I have my 2.5 siblings. 2.5? i have my older sister, younger brother (middle ako eh) then .5 because we have an adopted brother, (not legally adopted). We have a comfortable life. I could finish my study without thinking where to look for the financial support. I could have what I want, (but those we can buy lang). Before i want to have my own business (computer shop)then my mom gave it to me. I already have my shop, with 7 units. I will just pay my mom after i earn enough money. I become independent in terms of buying and sending my self in school with the help of my shop. I'm now at my last year as a college student. Great! at first, I'm happy to have what i wanted, what i planned.
But, now i don't know if it is a great help or not. This shop, is a total mess for ME. This shop is helpful but at the same time ruin my life, our life.
I know, if you will read this, maybe you will tell that I'm a bad daughter. But it is true, my mom, MOM? i don't know if that is the right term to use.
From school going home, sometimes i don't want the clock to run when I'm in school, i want it to stop so that i do not need to go home. When i step at the door of my shop, i will see my mom sitting in front of the computer and making friends in CHAT ROOM. Then, I will go inside our store, there you will find not a store it seems like a huge trash can. Because I'm tired of the travel, i will go home very hungry, i will go to the kitchen, and see nothing to eat for the dinner. The only thing i could find is unwashed dishes, casserole, uncleaned table. WHOOOOOO...there is no rice, but there is tindang ulam. eh I couldn't eat that without rice and it's already malamig na.
At home, i could see a dirty home, when you step your foot on the floor, the feeling is that your stepping in buhangin, galas ng sahig. Before doing school works i need first to clean for awhile.
The computer shop influence my mom so much. That's why i don't know if it is still proper to call her mom or one of my loyal customer in my shop. She could no longer do her job as our mom.
Sometimes i will tell my siblings isang malaking kalokohan 'tong shop . Look what happened. Look what it bring to my mom, my family.
hay.....when this things will stop?..

first day high

2008-06-10T04:26:00.000-07:00

Hay...its our first school day as a fourth year college education student. There is the feeling of excitement and kind of nervous. Nervous?..yeah, not because it was the first day of school, and as being a forth year student, it is because we will see each other knowing that we're still not in good terms. Since the broke up, we didn't talk about it, if we will going to continue or stop on it.

Nervous........as I enter the room, i know he's already there, but i don't look at him, i then sit to my place, then my heart pumps very fast. What should I do?..talk to him now or may be later or may be not, just wait until he makes the first move?. that is the question i never answered until we went home.

What happen is,..the whole class need to go to Math Faculty, of course no body knows about our break up, so we walk together. Then because every step become hard for us, I need to make moves to stop that feeling of coldness. I ask him, "San na ung bag n binili natin?, then he smiled at me, YES!..this will be the first move. Then he ask me, "Ano ung sasabihin mo?..,because i promised him that i will tell him something about us. But i become clueless what to tell him, i already have the set of words to tell, but it all gone as we talk longer. But thanks God, every thing become fine and good, even we really don't have the talk about us, about the relationship. All we know is that, we will continue the relationship that we thought already gone.

That is how we cherish our relationship, there is no words to tell just action to make, to tell that we still want it to survive.

relationship

2008-06-06T05:12:00.000-07:00

I'd made a mistake..

June 4 , there is a big Bang came in our relationship., which lead to a decision of breaking up. I know its very disgusting that in such one click everything would fade away. That is also the reason why he did not come to the seminar, he did not want to see me. I know after all i did, no body wouldn't want to see me. But why, I've been also hurt, every words came in his mouth hurt me so. And with one question, that i didn't really mean, made him got really mad at me. I ask for his forgiveness i said sorry, tumango xa, knowing that he forgive me, but until we went home no words came to his mouth. I text him, telling that he is unfair. But the conversation become worst and worst until we broke up. Its my decision, because he told me that i' am the one who made him feel a bad person, winasak ko daw ung pagkatao nya, i' m sorry for him. All of a suddens, he tell me every thing he feel about me, and it hurts me. Of course, i didn't think that i already hurting the only person i love. But what should i do, force my self on him, and feel all the pain that i could give him. Every question i made, words to tell it has meaning to him.

We will not see each other for 4 days, gosh i can't stop thinking how we will be when we went back to school. I already have plan for Tuesday, i will court him, even that it is a boy's job. I'm afraid that he would not accept me, for all the things i' ve done to him. His totally hurt, i feel it in his messages.

I' ve been hurt many times, but i don't give up, is still continue what we have started, but now thinking that we are no longer be one, it made me really sick and cry. i don't want him to be hurt by my action and words.

Ahhhhhhh.........I want to shout, I want to cry, We both hurt by each others words. Is this the right decision or there still other way. But every time we forgive each other, it will happened again and even become worst.

my FAM

2008-06-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

Hey!..its been a long time since my last post..Just busy of something..But I 'm here again, telling a new story of my family.

I thought i already have the perfect family, i know problem exist on it. Yes of course we deal with the same family problem that you guys have. And we passed it. But now, there is one problem that i thought its nothing, that its just about my parents relationship..The story goes like this...........

Last night, i went home from our store at around 11pm. My parents still there, my father alone drinking some beer and my mom preparing to go home. I leave the store without any expectation that a problem would exist.

At our house, i decided to watch t.v, then my brother(the adopted one) told me that my mom and dad have a quarrel. So we went on the store, but we can't come in, because it still lock inside. We heard them talking about money issue which my auntie borrowed from my mom, so i told my two brothers its nothing. We already experience the same, and because mom really speak in loud voice.

Then the story continued this morning. I heard my mom telling what happened last night to my tita Pining, i got mad because its our family problem, we should first know it, or if they don't want it to share with us, just keep it on them. I think my Tita told my mom that we listened last night, so my mom asked me, what are the things we heard, so i told them that we just heard, the money issue.

I thought its all, but my mom started sharing everything they spoked last night. That my father got hurt about being the Padre de Familia, yeah my father doesn't have that big amount of income, my mom earn much than my father have, family members know it. And the mere fact that my mom doesn't have any trust at my father, which is not true. There is a misunderstanding that my father have, about paying back the money that my tita borrowed. My mom explained it to my father, so its now clear on them.The next is about us, their children, when we ask something that involve money, my father was hurt that he couldn't give us all that we needed. When my mom and other mom talk about school fees, expenses in family, my father couldn't stand for long hearing all of that.

He's hurt i know, my mom already have much extra income, she already make our life comfortable, without any doubt that my father's ego was bursting. I know its hard for him to accept that he must be the one who think about the family expenses, but because he don't have enough income to do that, my mom help him.

They both have something inside them, my father is about being the head of the family, and my mom is about sharing their problem or thoughts with each other. My mom told my dad that she was "naiinggit" with other couple sharing their family problem, laughing together. Really, my dad don't speak much, he wants to be busy cleaning and making our house and store organized and clean. My siblings and i don't see my parents talk for long and sharing something.

My mom said that for almost 23 years of being together, that was the first time that they talk about their feelings. Its good for them and for us knowing what inside them.

How i wish it wouldn't stop what they have started. For sure it will make their relationship stronger and will make their relationship longer.

the wedding

2008-05-09T06:12:00.000-07:00

Last May 8, 2008, my Tita's Wedding was held at Las Pinas Church, known for having the biggest organ, the BAMBOO ORGAN. The wedding started at 4:00pm, the ceremony was so perfect for me. The priest was good in his on way of delivering the ceremony. My mom was one of the principal, Ninang, i guessed pinaghandaan ni nanay 'to. And for the person who known my mom, i don't think you can find my her in the wedding, 'coz she's wearing a wig. hehehehehehe.

My Tita, made it to the last trip., she is already 38 years of age and her groom is younger than her, 35.
The priest told them that if tita will bear 3 children with their age, the priest will gave them a special gift. Cool, but one of the reason why i came with my mom is to see the bamboo organ. As we entered the church we suddenly look for the bamboo organ, but we can't see it any where inside the church, we look at the altar's side.
We look anywhere, but eventually we found it it was placed upper left side of the church.
Then, i was amazed how big it was, but it is not as big as i expected, like how it was in different book.

Bamboo organ at Las Pinas Church

summer summer

2008-04-30T22:03:00.000-07:00

One of my close friend in college has her family problem. Every family have it, but this one is difficult. Every night, as in every night, thinking how could i help her. What should be my first step to help her, and feel that she is not alone. I want her to feel that no matter what happen, we are still here, we would never leave her side. Like what she said, we, her first circle of friend, are special to her. I will make her feel that it is true, we are special, not just because we make her laugh, we make her a different person, but also we help her, even in the saddest point of her life.

Friend, that's what we are. And true friend would be there in each other side. I what to prove that still there is a true friend/barkada.

She is a different girl, a strong and "maparaan", a confident girl, smart in her on way, a brave person, she would not cry for a little mistake. She would not let her friends feel that she is a weak lady. But now, i could see, she were trying to portrait what we know about her. But girl, every one could cry, every one feels that they are weak in an instance. But of course we know that you would not let us feel that.

That's why idol kita, in every challenge you become more strong than ever or than before. Just in case, you come to the point that you need us. You already know our number..

a problematic friend

2008-04-18T03:18:00.000-07:00

love life, seems to be the problem of my college friends.
This day, one of my first close friend (AMIE), went at home.
She want some body to talk to, and chose me.
Her problem is not that common, but in every movie it seems to happened.
Grabe, the situation is totally like in a romantic movie. But in the real word, it is very hard to solve. I'm very sorry for her, i can't give any options to make, 'coz the situation it very unusual.

The only thing I've made is to become a listener, a pillow that she can hug and cry on. AMIE, like what the guy you loved said, your a strong person, you can make it. GO GO GO...
HAY, your still young, if you and him are for each other, you will be for each other. Time will tell, destiny will make. Try to move on now girl, make your self busy, so that you can't feel the pain for that.

2008-04-17T03:43:00.000-07:00

hay..
totally rest..
start of the long day of missing my school friends...
BUT,
one of my closest friend, MIA, i know she have problem, i just knew it with my other close friend. I got disappointed, because I know, we're close, close than her good bud before. But of course as a friend, i should understand her position now, her mom got sick, and she's working now, she also have some obligation in school.
For you friend, keep going, keep rocking, after all of that we together will shine again like before. Face that challenge, you will see after all of that, something will happened better for you. Just keep in touch, we will forever be in your side.
(me and your close bud guy UGA, want to visit you, but we don't know when you're busy at work and family)

MIMS., NATAN, worried na xa sau..he wants to help, just don't know how.
KAYA YAN, i know MIMS as a strong person, remember kaya kita IDOL..

2008-04-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

hard to survive in this year..

all of you are aware of my long lasting relationship with him..

few minutes ago, we have a topic (sa Text)..
i told him about my condition this day
me: musta n pkiramdam mo
neil: masama parin
me: ako, maskit ung bandang puso ko, ewan ko b kung bkit.
neil: nako, patingin k na, ako n lng dpt mayskit stin lagi. wag n ikaw.

oh diba how sweet..hehehe

about my condition, when inhale and exhale, medyo sumaskit ung dibdib ko. I have no idea why it use to happened.
i should have my check up daw he told me, okei, but not for now, i told him, i will go with my mom, i don't know when.

neil said, that for sure in us, he will die first, I don't want the topic so i said to change it, but still the conversation lead to the same one.

he also said, he wants to die around the age of 30 - 35, he's crazy, he always like that when he is not feeling well.
He grow up with a weak health, we're both aware of it. I just told him that i will took good care of him, so that we will be together for long.

then still, he asked me to go for a check up, i just said
megs: mahal n mahal mo ko ah.
neil: hu..wag k muna gumanyan, sundin mo muna ko, mgnda ng cgurado..

i just love reading his text with that kind of message. That's why sometimes i saved his messages in my phone, and read it many times. D ako ngsasawang bshin mga un..

but the main reason why i wrote here in my ugly duckling blog is,
of course still about us. We are both not healthy, we both have asthma, sakitin kung twagin.
sometimes my mom tease me, pano kung mag-asawa n kau tpos preho kaung inatake ng hika..lagot kau..
for hem its just a joke, but for a seconds, i reflect on it.

I' m still young, but i want to be prepared for my future, for our future. hahaha
(nag-iipon n nga para s medical..hehehehe)

GO for us....

graduation

2008-04-08T01:39:00.001-07:00

it is hard to let go of someone you love most. Thats it. I' m not telling totally let go, what if nasanay ka na n you always together, you always see each other and you always go around together.

last, Thursday (march 3, 2008)
we went in our school (BulSU, know this university?, great!)

My classmates and I, went there to finish our project, Survey for the graduating students of our university. I thought there will be more than five who will come to school with me, and try to finish the task. But unfortunately, ate Yhen together with her guy friend?, went to school, as we saw each other, we start going to other building (specifically, CIT, and CICT buildings). We finished giving survey form to the CIT graduating students. Then the next target was the CICT, but one of the teacher told us that they will no more going back to school except of course for their graduation (CICT graduating students), I' m frustrated, thinking that we will finished the task.

Jake, Tet, and Dhes were in school too, but they serve for their scholarship (nagtatatak). We talked for our professor who gave the task, that we couldn't finish the survey, he told us that we only need to finish the survey for the CoEd, and no more work for the CICT. Okei that's good i just said. But we didn't went home afterwards, because our professor told us to tally the answers of the finished survey. At 10am, Mel, helped us to finish the tally. Ate Yhen, went home at 1pm, she have practice in their church, Mel and I finished the tally at around 3pm (226 form)

hay!!!!.. Good, Its already done.

Tet, Jake and I, stayed at school for a while, Tetet's brother will march for that day. Then, the three of us share something about the feeling we will have when the time came that we will be the one who will be celebrating the graduation.
Jake: for sure daw maiiyak xa
Tetet: maiiyak den.
Me:no comment, i don't use to cry when we celebrate graduation, it's not the end it just a new start.
but i asked them, could we still have communication after graduation?
the three: sana meron p rin, still nkakamiss din ung mga nangyayari sa college life.

After that, i suddenly think, Oo nga no, we will not see each other everyday, like we use to be in college days..
Then, while thinking, my relationship with him become my topic in my mind.
Pano kaya un, maxado kong nasanay na laging kasama xa. Nako, ngaun nga lng vacation, naka2miss na xa, (d n ko nagsawa noh) dapat yata medyo sanayin ko n sarili ko, to be prepared hehehehehe...
We both need to work first for our own families, but could we still have time for each other. They are somewhat far from our place.

I know him, one of his dream is to become richer, richer than his Titos. He want to gave the best for his parent.
Coz i know, after our graduation, he will be the only person in his family that could help them. He want it to be, but wish that still we can do things like what we are doing in this time.

HAY..MASARAP PERO MALUNGKOT ANG MAGCELEBRATE NG COLLEGE GRADUATION

vacation

2008-04-06T00:47:00.000-07:00

i totally feel the vacation now..

kaya lng

ASAR...

my mom, my two brothers and my lola
they all going to aklan..
and for sure

they will go to boracay..
its not that far from my lola's house
(1 tricycle, 1 jeep and 1 boat, then dun n cla s BORA)

me, will be left alone here in our house, huhuhuhuhu
may work c tatay at c ate, kaya no one will be with me 4 almost a week.

but, i take that as a challenge
how will i live and survive (hahaha) for a week alone.

hahaha..(d p nmn ako marunong magluto, bahala n nga)

they will go on may 9 (i think) up to 13..

they have the ticket (their flight will be at 5:00pm)
excited, they already have the ticket n ( promo kc, hehehe)

auz lng un..
huhuhu...

me, i will enjoy managing our store, shop and house..hmmmmp

but they all need to give me pasalubong..

DAYA TALAGA

confuse

2008-03-19T06:55:00.000-07:00

problems become part of our life
everyone knows it
but then, through all these problems i was confuse...
especially about friendship
should i deal with it or not..
should i fix it or not..
i don't want to leave this semester with some bad issues that were facing now, maybe for them its not an issue, they just continue life and not bothered about the gap that we have. or they just ignoring it.
the groups that we have in our clan start to joined..i don't know if it is b'coz of her or they just want to built a unique group..
they already celebrate together, but four of us were not present. with it, it seems that we are now the outcast of the clan. i don't want it to happen, i know they (other three)wouldn't like it too. so as we go back, we will change the atmosphere, we can't make it for this time b'coz of many works. but as long it done, i will stand and correct every mistakes..
hehehehehe...
i wish i/we can make it..

one story

2008-03-15T20:16:00.000-07:00

okay..
what else can i post here..
wala na yata..

hehehehehehe...

yesterday, my close friend, my bf and i went to a concert..
that mini concert is a charity work..
we went there coz' my friend will write something about it on candymag.com
(she is a writer on that magazine and site)

but before we went there, we stayed at jolibee for almost 2 hours..

there, i saw a couple with their baby boy..
as i looked at them, they are cute,,the couple wear black shirt,
and the daddy was the one who is taking care of the baby, feeding the baby and carrying him.

then, in the other side an old couple,
dating?..
i think...

they are sweet, in spite of their age they still find time to go out together
or
simply having a date...

cool...
i just said..

still there are couples who could find time to enjoy...
with or without their children..

i know, time will come i would/could do the same thing as that two couples did..

WITH OR WITH OUT MY CHILDREN...

si------yahahaahahahhaha

2008-03-13T06:55:00.000-07:00

hi philippines and hello world

the questions that i couldn't answer:
why do people act in different way?
why do paople influence a person or even a group of person negatively?
why do people act like a boss in a group?
why some other people love to hurt others when they are not present.
in short why xa ganon?..

you know, sometimes i want to shout at reh tell her that ehs already making problems bigger than expected.
i want to tell reh stop influencing my friends, i know with two of us,,mostly they will agree with you, but please you already leave us, dont try to influence our group and try to break us..

we already accept the fact that you are no more part of the group, you are now just our friend, the group now trying to develop the new image of it, but with your presence we cant still stand in our own, coz the way you talk to the members of the group you are changing the ideas that we should now have.

we know that in the group where you belong now, you become their boss, someone in your group told us about it.

you should try some difference,
try to become a follower,
try not to make gaps
try to influence other positively and not negatively.

remember, you are just a human and not a lord
to be followed and to be honored like a prince or princess..

hope that you change even if that is a very big question on us...

magazine

2008-03-09T05:40:00.000-07:00

COVER COUPLE

cover GIRL

COVER boy

COVER ARTIST

look, we are all hot here...

i think
you think
we all think

we are the best cover artist..

we cant deny that it is now a fact..

whiiiiiiii....
in every mag...

we can be the cover artist..
we did not expect this,,it just came
we cant just ignore it..

there are lots of people waiting to issue mag..where we are the cover artist..
wahahahaha...

ALL OF THESE THINGS JUST COME IN MY DREAM..
Libre lang ang mgarap..
Taasan na natin

caper's night

2008-02-22T22:49:00.000-08:00

the NIGHT

all students was very excited for this day
except for NATAN..(i think)

the program started at 7?..
i forgot..

speakers gave their message for the senior and junior students
then special number from MAPEH major students

the cotillion, move their body.,,two of my classmate joined this number..MIGS and SHIENA

then as it ends up..the music and light starts to roll..
at first, we just watch others to dance but we decided to joined.
minsan lng mangyari to..kaya go na..
of course for the sweet dance, natan is my first dance..
empre naman bf ko to..
hay..puro kalokohan nga lang ginwa namin habang ngsasayaw..
then, after that, natan asked all my female classmate to dance and my bestfriend..(ilan n nga lang silang lalake smin eh kaya dapat isayaw kaming mga girls)..

the party end at 3am..

2008-02-14T02:56:00.000-08:00

this is the best gift

it have different meanings, the color, the flowers it self

but the only meaning i want about this, is LOVE

this is the moment kanta ba ito?
okei..valentines day came..
the sweetest day of the year

day said Feb 14 is for maids..
time for them to have a date,
but i just want to remind you..this day is for all..

i was so excited this day to receive the gift of my bf..
but of course, i don't show some clue to him.
hahahaha..
wala lang
then in the afternoon, as we went home,
he gave the gift,
red roses, meaning how much he loves me.
kilig ako empre..hahaha..d ko prin pinahalata
i thanked him for the flowers, and i said i love him (in text).
hiya kc ako..

it was my first time to receive flowers as a sign of love..
i can't explain how happy i'm now.

for HIM..thanks a lot, for showing your love, and accepting me..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

2008-02-11T04:47:00.000-08:00

what if hindi mo n kaya!!!!!..

dame n ng nangyayari..
i don't know how to handle everything..

should i solve it or not?
ignore ko na lang kaya?

WHAT SHOULD I DO?...

i just told my self that everything has its own reason why they exist

Reason why this recent thing exist:

to test my personality,
to show how strong i am as a girl,
to gave me lesson about life,
to prove that those things cannot pull me down,
to test friendship
to be honest?...
to be contented..
to be me...to be myself..

things change, life is a subject of change
sometimes it is relatively slow, but as it came it conquer every second of the day.
hindi nyo naintindhan?..sakin n lng un..
what if you are in my position..ano kaya gagawin nyo?..
cguro, you just go and continue life..
but, every little things that people think about me specially negative things i use to reflect on it.
i cant stop thinking things that could make me a wasted person..

did i deserve to be in this position?..
there still other people who do more bad things than me..
why should i need to experience all these things.
I'm just a weak person,
one small negative thing happened in my life,
it affect me a lot..

i know that every step i make, action I've done and words i speak, it will reflect on me..
i do things because i want to do it, but sometimes i do things, not thinking that it could affect my personality. But no one can question me about doing those things.

but as i do certain thing, and other person think it is not right,
they are fun of talking about it, they just talk on it,
but they forgot to think that they already hurting the person involved.
the proper thing to do is to give advice, to correct every wrong, to erase every mistake.
and to make sure that the person involve, feels she/he is still complete.

Friends can be call friends if they know how to right the mistakes of their friend,
they do correction to a friend who start losing the right way in life.
they are there in ups and downs of their friends
NOT:
to makipagplastikan s kaibigan,
people need other people to ask guidance...

Few of my friends can do it

WISH THAT ALL MY FRIENDS CAN DO IT.

The worst week

2008-02-06T03:54:00.000-08:00

I’m so tired for this week,
Sunday:
Preparing things for Monday,
2 workbooks to finish,
Preparing for our report,
Review for two exams (Mid-term examination)
Answer exercises for the Calculus (math subject)
Tuesday:
We have two subjects for this day
1st subject we had our long test (essay test)
Nose bleed ako dito
Then the next subject, expecting to have test, but we had only the reports.

Wednesday:
The day to suffer,
It is the Ash Wednesday for the Catholics
We don’t have meetings for the first two subjects ‘coz we had the Mass at our school, then next subject midterm examination (ang hirap, lalo n ung true or false, right minus wrong).
The next one is the Number Theory, exiting, but at the end of the period we had our exercises, I’m the last who passed the paper.
Last subject the Terror Calculus, God, I did not answer all the items included, and I was disappointed about it. Especially when my partner told me how some items should be answered, you know what it is very easy, there will be a little manipulation to be done, then you can now get the answer. ASAR TALAGA!!!!
Tomorrow (Thursday):
We will work for our Research paper and there will be a Midterm examination for one subject,
I hope I could pass the entire test that we took for this week, and for the other test that we will be answering. Guys pray for me, pray that I could reach the end of this semester.

FRIDAY:

after having an observation I would rest a lot, so I can renew the time I spend for reviewing lessons and making so many visual aids for my report in different subjects.

LETS US PRAY FOR MY SUCCESS, and to the SUCCESS OF MY CLASSMATES AND FRIENDS. Please help us GOD.

the travel

2008-02-01T21:01:00.000-08:00

yea hey!!!!!
it was January 30, 2008
when the tour happened.
i will tell you what happened in that day.
i woke up 3am, cooked food for me, my bf, and one of my closest friend (rice lng nmn un)
then exactly 4:30 , i started living the house.
i went early knowing that there will a long time waiting for a jeep to ride, but as a went in the terminal jeep came. that's why i arrived early at school.
BSEd 3D was the only education student in that tour, the rest was all COE(engineering) students. we are only 24, but still they cut our group, 12 in bus no.28, then the other 12 in bus no.29. as the bus begun to move, we are quite (naiinis kc kami, nagagalit pa, 24 na nga lang hinati pa)
but as the time runs, we then accept the fact that we are not together.
we just thanked that our group the Big Show were all together in 1 bus.
we just enjoyed the ride. we said hello and hi to the people in the street, while we are on the bus.
we made it, to forgot the ugly beginning of the day.
then the first place were we stopped is the PSC, stands for Pampihirang Science Centrum oh sorry it was Philippine Science Centrum.
yeah, there was an orientation , then we are now allowed to visit the place. But it is better if you will not go there. coz the place is not that big to tour, then some of the display were no more functioning.
the next place to go is the SM PASIG, i.m so excited to go around the mall, and make window shopping. we are all prepared to went there, we finished our lunch at the bus.
but as a surprice the mall is not that big, i think UNIWIDE in Malolos was much bigger than SM Pasig, asar!!. But we saw one of the Basketball player of the PBA, i don't know his name.
we decided to go back in the bus, and wait until we go to the Enchanted Kingdom.
in the Enchanted kingdom:
we changed clothes, the first ride we took was the flying fiesta. wiiiiiii!!!!, then next the real'to i think i'm the only person who enjoy the ride, it is better for kids, we went there because the movie was all about spongebob. hehehe..
next is the Anchors Away, our internal organ went away. hehehe..
then the Balloon, Kakahilo..daming stars..
then the enjoyable riogrande.. preapre to be wet!!..
yeah, but i' m not expecting that my whole body become wet.
but i enjoined that ride.
to make our clothes dry, we ride at the flying fiesta 2 times, then gain Anchor's Away 2 times.
after that to the Wheel of Fortune, together with our old close friend TETET.
then we saw that the jungle log was then open, we try to ride, but the next time we ride my bf seems to be so excited about riding again, and forgot that i 'm with him, so i decided not to join in the ride.
7:00pm, the park will now close, we go back in the bus, we went to sleep until we reach our destination the BSU campus, at 11:20 i reach our Home, without any pasalubong for my mom..

THE BIG SHOW GROUP

2008-01-29T05:44:00.000-08:00

almost two years passed since we build a group.

we did not intended to make a group name,

we come up with this name because it is required

required to make a name for the group we built

Last semester, we have an outdoor (P.E. subject)

we need to build a group with 10 members,

but we requested our professor to allow us to have 11 member in the group.

Then our Professor told us to make a group name.

we base our name with the characteristics that we have.

we are cute, lovable, intelligent and with BIG SIZES of heart and BODY.

then we come up with the name BIGSHOW.

the members:

miamheems

she is perfectly talented

speaker of the group

the person who make us all nose bleed

(because of the knowledge she have when it comes to english language)

kikay in times, rocker, but a loving person

(to her family, friends, and to all 3D class)

when it comes to make the class cut, just tell it to her and she will make the move

ronarons

the mother of the group?!!

a girl with a good dance steps

she will make sure that everybody in the BIGSHOW group is in good condition

if not, she will not stop making things alrigth for us.

like what she said, she likes giving "corny jokes"

she is the person who makes me feel comfortable with the group.

natan "uga"

the prince of the group (and i am the princess - megs hehe)

the ultimate guitarist of the BIGSHOW

a short temper person

a person who could rock your world

intelligent in his own style

a guy that the only dream is to finish all the school works

a person who loves gadgets (new gadgets)

megs

(this is my moment)

a girl who will make things right for others

a girl who budgets every centavo that she will use

priority is studies

a business woman

(hehe un lang masasabi ko skin)

jakojako

the joker of the group

he hates vegetables

a boy with good handwritings

a guy that is good in memorization

studious, intelligent

a boy that could burst you into laughter

he can make patterns in life

a guy who have pride in himself that no one can remove it

(except for one person who is his priority)

vernavernz

the ultimate writer

a silent type of person

but an itelligent one

she is afraid of frogs (migs JOke) and dogs

she cant hide secrets that is negative

if it is neccessary to reveal she will reveal it

but if it should be in secret, it will remain secret

she is simple, but making her self above all

migdiomigs

the mathematician

a good leader

a good follower of Jesus

but ehem she is M........

(you already know it guys)

a good son to his parents

good brother to his siblings

good friends to us

and good classmate to all 3D

she is also a good follower to us BIGSHOW

(hehehehehehe)

cecila

ate rona said about ces

she said, you said, she said what you said

living tape recorder

but even she is like that

she is good in situational questions

when you look at her it seems that she is an ordinary students

but when you gave her a test

surely she will got a high score

kikay in many times, spoke person

ma-an

a very kikay girl

always maarte in evrything she does

but being maarte is natural to her

that makes us all laugh

innosent in many things especially in...

teytey

the silent rocker of the group

a girl with a beautiful smile

she is laso good in writings

she is a silent joker

she will tell somethings that will make you laugh

even it is not her intention to make you laugh

THE BIG SHOW GROUP

the ultimate diva

2008-01-28T03:36:00.000-08:00

spongebob square pants.

Who is this?
that's me!!
i just become an ultimate fun of songebob
when i alreday reach my college days.
corny?!!
but that's true!!
no one can tell me to stop loving this cartoon character.
but you know?!
i don't know why i love this creature.
maybe because it is cute like me!!
(walang kokontra)

hey guyz!!
i'm a new member of this site
like what i want,
i love making new things in different site in the net.
so, i saw this site, i just try what i can make/do here.

so..i hope you welcome an ignorant girl in this site..